milton berle quotes

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!". We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far, for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”, “You can't believe everything you hear, but it's fun to repeat it anyway.”, “I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Join us. Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places. I think he was right. He was right—I feel ten years older already. A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”. This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. 111 wallpapers “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle “Laughter is an instant vacation.” — Milton Berle “Laughter is the best medicine in the world.” — Milton Berle “My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. Share with your friends. Quotes.net. I feel ten years older already. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. I think he was right. „Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.“, „You don't need to travel, laughter is an instant vacation“, „If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door“, „If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?“, „I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. In the music department my wife said, “Let’s get your nephew a set of drums. Quote of the day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. As the host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater , he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as "Uncle Miltie" and "Mr. Television" during TV's golden age. To see what your friends thought of this quote, please sign up! Explore Quotes from Milton Berle. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”, “Laughter is the best medicine in the world.”, “My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. (There is also a letter-to-the-editor and an FYI question by yours truly, but enough about me.) Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards. The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. Known to many around the world as “Uncle Milton” and “Mr. Share funny quotes by Milton Berle and quotations about christmas and wife. "The problem with life is, by the time..." I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine.”, “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.”, “Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. Talk about cheap – on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide. There’s a difference between being a comic and a comedian. That’s what your brother did to us last year.”. That’s what your brother did to us last year.””, “There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Valentine’s Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. In the music department my wife said, “Let’s get your nephew a set of drums. Television” , the American comedian and actor, was a household name during TV’s Golden age phase. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been,' by far, for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”, “Laughter is the best medicine in the world.”, More of the Best of Milton Berle's Private Joke File. Not one of them is on my son’s list.”, “Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.”, “The human brain is special. The kids on the debating team took steroids! Birthdate: 12. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list.”, “All my wife wanted for Valentine’s Day was a little card – American Express.”, “Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs – is that a promise or a threat?”, “It was a tough school. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. The parents are afraid of the children. Not one of them is on my son’s list. My wife and I have a perfect understanding. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. The kids on the debating team took steroids!”, “In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.”. Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat? A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words. In this past Sunday’s NYTimes City Section there was a cover story about the venerable Friars’ Club. User Rating: 4.3 ( 1 votes) Milton Berle. On Valentine’s Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine. Recommend to friends. Share this quote: Like Quote. My brother said, “Don’t worry. Friends Who Liked This Quote. It just helps you look for it in more places. The human brain is special. Milton Berle Quotes. 90 – Milton Berle profile quotes. I feel ten years older already.”, “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”, “Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it’s the kids who have to do all the work.”, “I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.”, “When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. Read more quotes from Milton Berle. More Milton Berle quotes : If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. March 2002. Folk who don’t know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. I received a lot of complaints from parents who wrote and told me that their kids wouldn't go to sleep until our show was over. www.imdb.com. "Biography/ Personal Quotes". A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Television” , the American comedian and actor, was a household name during TV’s Golden age phase. July 1908Date of death: 27. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. Share. I just filled out my income tax forms. Milton Berle Quotes 2 Sourced Quotes. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine. Milton Berle. Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs. I have them cross-indexed. Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. I feel ten years older already. As the host of NBC's Texaco Star Theater , he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as "Uncle Miltie" and "Mr. Television" during TV's golden age. 3 Nov. 2020. Have we run out of human beings?”-- Milton Berle . My son asked for very little – a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached. Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it’s the kids who have to do all the work. June 24, 2020. 15 Inspiring Quotes By Milton Berle, One Of The Wittiest Man Ever . It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school. I bought my son a bat for Christmas. You give them a grand – and they feel glorious. Milton Berle Quotes. Milton Berle Quotes When one thinks of Milton Berle, his sense of humor along with a powerful smile comes to mind instantly. Quotes Milton Berle . User Rating: 5 ( 1 votes) Milton Berle. On New Year’s it flew away. My wife made me swear that I wouldn’t give her a fancy gift. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. Birthdate: 12. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”, “Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.”, “I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far for a might have-been has … I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Rob 157 books view quotes : Feb 19, 2018 01:00PM. A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" You’re aging when your actions creak louder than your words. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”, “They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. The human brain is special. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. Milton Berle was an American comedian and actor. I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been by far; for a might-have-been has never been, but a has-been was once an are.”, “When opportunity doesn't knock, create a door”, “The only place success comes before is in the dictionary”, “I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are', because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. The Friars is a NYC-based organization of (mostly) comedians. #husband; #wife; What is this, an audience or an oil painting? The fact is I was a star long before television. 116 quotes. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer. We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. Quotations by Milton Berle, American Comedian, Born July 12, 1908. It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now. Santa is having a tough time this year. A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Born On: July 12, 1908. I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. Milton Berle, born Milton Berlinger (July 12, 1908 - March 27, 2002) was an Emmy-winning American comedian and actor. #Funny #Witty #Time Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!”, “Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient”, “A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step? Join 48,000+ other people and subscribe to Quotefancy Weekly Digest. 0. Milton Berle. Read Milton Berle biography. Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards. My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. On New Year’s it flew away.”, “I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. No, he answers, I hit every one of them!”, “Valentine’s Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.”, “A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!””, “Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.”, “The Post Office is very careful nowadays. 90 – Milton Berle profile quotes.

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